Seeing the Positive in Marriage through Perspective

"For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, so that by steadfastness and by the encouragement of the scriptures we might have hope. May the God of steadfastness and encouragement grant you to live in harmony with one another, in accordance with Christ Jesus, so that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ." ~ Romans 15:4-6 NRSV

In just over a week, my husband and I will celebrate our 37th wedding anniversary. I have been blessed to be married to a man that keeps Jesus at the center of his heart, because that love is reflected daily into my husband's love for me and our family. He truly loves me unconditionally. The years have passed by too quickly, and the memories could fill an encyclopedia set. I thought I would pass on some random thoughts about how over the years I have taken some daily situations in our marriage that I once saw as negative, and have grown to realize that there is a positive in most everything if one searches for it and truly trusts in the love of their spouse. 

Disclaimer before reading: We have very traditional roles in our marriage that has worked well for us for 37 years, so please take that into consideration. 

1. I often thought my husband rarely notices when I got my haircut and try to look by best. Then I started thinking about the fact, that he loves me with the hairdo I wake up with every morning and never notices. Grateful!
2. After cleaning the house all day, he comes home and doesn't seem to notice. Oh, but then he doesn't notice the days when he comes home and the house is in disorder. Thankful!
3. The miracle that occurs with his laundry where everything he wears appears back in his drawers and closet clean and smelling great seems to go unnoticed. However, he never has a discouraging word to say if something he needs is still in the laundry basket. Relieved!
4. A clean car may go unnoticed, and yet while on a shopping expedition the car may come home with a scratch or two, and he places no blame on my part and probably wouldn't notice unless I pointed it out to him. Indebted!
5. On those days when it seems the world is crashing down around me, he is there to hold me and reassure me that tomorrow will be a better day. He brings hope! Love!
6. In those moments when I am crabby and hard to love, he loves me anyway. Patience!
7. When I am sick, feeling helpless, and unable to function, he steps in and cares tenderly for me taking care of everything. Provider!
8. If I begin to not see clearly, he gently nudges me back to reality. Encouraging!
9. At times, I think my husband should read my mind and be able to do what I am thinking he should do, I find that if only I ask for help he doesn't hesitate to do what needs to be done. Realized he is not a psychic! Accommodating!
10. Last, but not least, on those days I feel unlovable, he makes me feel special and loved! Committed!

The list could go on and on. It is often the perspective we choose that brings such pain to our relationships. Mine is still in God's training class, but I am trusting what was written so long ago in the Bible to be my guide. As the verse from Romans above says, "For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, so that by steadfastness and by the encouragement of the scriptures we might have hope. May the God of steadfastness and encouragement grant you to live in harmony with one another, in accordance with Christ Jesus, so that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ." 

I have hope that God continues to mold me into a better wife with a loving perspective to share with my husband each day. I am beyond blessed, and that is my perspective of my relationship with my husband. 

Let us pray . . .

Loving Father,

Thank you for the gift of marriage. Remind us each day that a spouse is one of your greatest gifts. May we glorify you in our relationships with one voice in how we care for one another.

Amen

Knit One Purl One . . . The "Perfect" Plan

"I have one life and one chance to make it count for something . . . I'm free to choose what that something is, and the something I've chosen is my faith. Now, my faith goes beyond theology and religion and requires  considerable work and effort. My faith demands -- this is not optional -- my faith demands that I do whatever I can, wherever I am, whenever I can, for as long as I can with whatever I have to try to make a difference." 
~ Jimmy Carter

Just over a week ago, I pulled out my knitting needles excited about the prospects of weaving this hobby back into my life. The needles had set dormant for many years without even a hint of a stitch coming together. The first stop in getting started was picking out the yarn, and the motivational seed was planted; I was ready to get those needles twisting. With Christmas less than three months away, my mind was already planning all the gifts I could knit. I had the materials, the plan was in place, and I was willing and able to accomplish the goal. It all seemed like a simple plan to carry out.

Each day I knitted for two to three hours in the evening. Watching the beauty of the variegated yarn come together row after row brought a sense of accomplishment and joy within me. But, then, it happened. It came like a thief in the night. This new-founded joy was aggravating the joints in my fingers and right elbow. The pain had become difficult to manage, and now I sit wondering how long I can go on before either the pain subsides or the pain becomes  more intense disabling me from knitting a single stitch. How could this be happening? After all, I did everything right, or so I thought. I had my plans in place. I could already see the family gathered at Christmas with everyone opening their gifts, made with love especially for each of them. It seemed like the perfect plan!

Last night, as I laid in bed praying for those in need, I found myself whining to God about the pain in my joints and how this could ruin everything I had planned. But, as I pondered the disappointment,  I thought about the quote above from Jimmy Carter. You see sometimes we want so much to do everything we can, but in reality we have these stumbling blocks of illness, grief, sadness, sins, anxiety, etc. that inhibit us from doing everything we wish we could to please God and please others. It was as if God was sending a message right back to me during my prayers. I felt reminded from God that He isn't expecting perfection from any of us, but only the very best we can give each day. And, even on those days when we fail to give our best, we are covered in His grace and forgiveness. Now, that is a plan that seems much more workable.

In Romans 5:3 we read, "We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance." I have always had a little problem with the word, "rejoice" in that Bible verse. After all, most of us don't have a party to celebrate what doesn't go the way we planned in life. But, maybe, we can all rejoice knowing that in developing endurance and resilience when things don't go as planned, we are growing closer to God. We are learning to lean on Him at all times and in all seasons of our lives. That is definitely something to "rejoice" about.

So, as you go about your planning, remember that even when the threads of our lives become unraveled, as long as we do what we can when we can, God celebrates with us too. Meanwhile, I will knit what I can, when I can, and rest assured that regardless of how the plan turns out, I gave my best. And, that is truly what counts. 

Heavenly Father,

As we make plans in our lives, please guide us with your wisdom and grace. Let us rejoice in knowing that you delight in our existence and cover us with grace and forgiveness at all times.

Amen

The Problem With Those Little Vanilla Wafers

“And don’t be concerned about what to eat and what to drink. Don’t worry about such things. These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers all over the world, but your Father already knows your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and he will give you everything you need." Luke 12:29-31 NLT

Have you ever tried to eat just one or two vanilla wafers? I personally find it troubling. I honestly try, but the joy in eating these tiny cookies is something I continue to crave. The clear cookie jar sits on the counter almost daring me to eat just two more or five more! Once that first cookie enters my system, I find myself sneaking my hand right back into the jar. I tell myself this will be the last one, but then it happens; I can't resist just a few more. 

Craving something in life can be good as well as bad. A few months ago, I started reading more about the minimalist lifestyle, and I haven't looked back. I am coming to learn that some of my cravings in life are unhealthy and take away from the joy in life. The minimalist lifestyle is basically focusing on what in life brings you joy and basically getting rid of the things that only cause more work and cost (physically, mentally, emotionally, and materialistically) to one's life. My husband and I have always somewhat lived the minimalist lifestyle in many different ways in our 36 plus years of marriage. We try to make choices based on need rather than want. It isn't easy, but we do our best.  

Both of our adult children are in the process of moving and selling their homes. The one comment that comes up often is, "I didn't realize how much stuff has been accumulated."  Listening to these comments led me to a deep cleaning, and I was shocked to find how many things that are rarely if ever used have been piling up in my own home. A few trips to Goodwill brought great joy to me. Saying good-bye to things that take up space, need to be cleaned or cared for, and have no purpose in my life was much easier than I thought. I found great joy in having so much more room in drawers, closets, and cupboards!

As I looked at some of the treasures in the boxes, I realized that at one time I had probably purchased the item as a want rather than a need. Purchasing the item had brought me temporary joy, but in turn had brought a type of clutter into my life that took away from a greater joy. The greater joy of not being ruled by things.

I then took a look at my faith walk and the wants and needs I display when it comes to my relationship with God. I've decided a minimalist faith style is also an objective for me as well. You see, I often come to God with a lot of wants thinking they are needs. I yearn to be more focused in prayer and service of the needs of others and for myself as well. When I center my relationship around need, it becomes enriched because God knows what I need in all circumstances. He also knows what I want, but he can easily distinguish between the two. One helps me thrive while the other at times may add complicated dimensions to my life that include taking some of the joy of a more simplistic way of being away from me.

So, I have to admit that I will probably always love those little vanilla wafers because they do bring me joy. But, these are also a reminder that learning to eat just a few rather than half a box is a big difference. Eating half a box begins a new problem of weight gain and then weight gain causes other health problems all because I didn't know when to stop with just what I needed. I am in control of the decision, but I occasionally need a reminder. And what a blessing that Luke reminds us in verses 29-31 that God always knows just what we need.

Heavenly Father,

Thank you for providing for our daily needs. Help us to understand that sometimes the wants just get in the way of the joy of life, and most of all our relationship with you.

Amen

Hope Even When You Are Weak . . . . . . .

Jesus told them, “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” He went on a little farther and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.” Then he returned to the disciples and found them asleep. He said to Peter, “Couldn’t you watch with me even one hour? Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak!” Then Jesus left them a second time and prayed, “My Father! If this cup cannot be taken away unless I drink it, your will be done.” When he returned to them again, he found them sleeping, for they couldn’t keep their eyes open. So he went to pray a third time, saying the same things again. Then he came to the disciples and said, “Go ahead and sleep. Have your rest. But look—the time has come. The Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Matthew 26:38-47 NLT

Over a decade ago, my husband found himself facing the challenging reality that he would need to seek different employment after 28 years with the same business. It was heart-wrenching for him because he loved the work and the people he served in the community. Often one thinks the decision itself is the most difficult obstacle, but what followed was a test of keeping faith that God would provide hope even in some of the darkest hours that lie embedded in the days and months to come.

For over two years, the resumes went out, the interviews took place, and the hope that maybe "this will be the day" continued on. We devoted ourselves to praying for God's will to be done to help our situation. Those two years were two of the most difficult ones we ever faced as serious health issues arose and financial obstacles lined up one by one. We continued to pray even as our hopes and bodies were becoming weaker in believing that anything was going to change in our lives. We lived on a fraction of the income we had once enjoyed, but somehow survived even with two children in college. It didn't seem possible or logical that we were making ends meet, but somehow we were. Our life long commitment to not live on credit was a blessing.

My husband needed me to believe in him and to keep moving forward with hope. I was his personal secretary writing cover letters and tweaking that resume for each perspective employer. Toward the end of the two years, I will have to be honest in saying, my prayers were beginning to denote disappointment and perhaps even a touch of anger at God. After all, was God listening. We needed help of some kind. Was He sleeping on the job?

I read an ad one day about a job for my husband and briefly told him about it. He asked if I would send a cover letter and resume. I  told him that I would, but honestly, I didn't. I felt it was a waste of time and energy. I had lost hope in the situation. Fortunately, my husband still had hope. The next week he asked if I had sent it, and I replied that I hadn't done that, but I would. I'm sure you can guess how this all turned out. This was the job with the phone call that led us out of those two dark years and into a better future. 

As Jesus faced a torturous death, He knew that Peter would need to stay strong in spirit because the body is weak and gives in to sin. Jesus knew he could not escape the truth that would lie ahead. He was taking on all our sins in a way that we as humans cannot comprehend. Fortunately for all of us, Jesus knows our human weaknesses. It is because of this that we have hope in all circumstances. Even when we may feel He is sleeping on the job, we know in our hearts that He knows the excruciating pain of suffering and won't leave us to suffer alone. 

So, never give up on hope. Hang on to it even in the darkest days. But, in the moments when the body is weak, remember the Spirit is strong inside of us and will continue to give us the strength we need to move on to what lies ahead. The Spirit is filled with hope for you and for me.

Dearest Jesus,

The dark days we face are not a mystery to You. You suffered a torturous death that ended with eternal life at the right hand of the Father. Remind us that the Spirit within us will never leave us. If our bodies lose hope, we trust that the Spirit will hope for us.

Amen 

I'm Going to Love You Whether You Like it or Not!

"Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."~I Corinthians 13:7 NLT

Have you ever known someone that for whatever reason doesn't see or feel worth? Did this verse from I Corinthians that says to never give up on love somehow become just another line in a book that is placed on the shelf? How can a person not feel worthy of being loved? It happens more than one may think. The reasons are endless in this society filled with expectations and stamps of "pass and fail" throughout life. Did they at some point give up the hope of ever being loved? 

I Corinthians 13 is often used in wedding readings because it focuses on the importance of faith, love, and hope for the relationship to thrive and endure life's challenges. It's a chapter that is a "feel good" chapter of the Bible. And, what could be a better scripture reading for a wedding? Don't we hope and pray that all newlyweds will celebrate one anniversary after another filled with smiles?  

Parents also know the depth of this chapter of the Bible. When a child is born, they find within themselves strengths to do things they never thought possible. They will stand up and advocate for their child in all circumstances. Nothing is out of the question to solve a problem. Love is a powerful tool! 

In those dark moments when turmoil erupts in relationships it's easy to edge back to the negative and forget all about I Corinthians 13. We want to reflect back to wars of the Old Testament and share our own reasoning for the battle we are facing and the battlefield we have entrenched. But, Jesus came to teach us a new way to solve problems. In my own understanding, paraphrasing I could almost hear Jesus say, "I'm going to love you whether you like it or not! And, I want you to do the same to others."

Each day we make the "decision to love", whether the person likes it or not. Because of this decision that we have control over, our heart grows larger, our souls are fed, and walls of discord come down one brick at a time. It's not an easy task because the mortar between the bricks hangs on. And let's face the reality that some people are very difficult to love. Let's stand up and be advocates for I Corinthians 13 and never give up on faith, hope, and love. If we truly want to follow Jesus, maybe our job is to love others whether they like it or not.  And maybe, just maybe, Jesus will look deep inside us, and say, "Today you got it right. Good job!"

Let us pray . . .

Heavenly Father,

Help us each day to choose faith, hope, and love. Give us the strength to calm our tempers, misguided thoughts, judgments, and inappropriate conclusions. Fill our hearts with a love that reflects your love for each of us as we love others whether they like it or not.

Amen.

Win or Lose: the Holy Spirit IS with You

"When the Father sends the Advocate as my representative—that is, the Holy Spirit—he will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I have told you. 'I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.'" John 14:26-27 NLT

As I write this, a young boy is laying in a hospital bed fighting for his life; a friend is fighting the effects of chemo in her fight against breast cancer; a wife is donating organs from her husband who is the father of their two young children; a young couple battles the disappointments of infertility; and another family continues to grieve the suicide of their son this past summer. Unfortunately, life isn't always filled with those moments that always turn out "right."  Did they not pray enough; were they not faithful enough; or were they somehow forgotten by God? I don't think so.

Often times we forget that in reality, God is with those that win the battles as well as those that lose the battles in life. Regardless of the human understanding of the pain, if we believe that the Father sends the Holy Spirit to teach us everything, it may mean there is something to learn in all situations. Perhaps as the verse so boldly promises, that "the gift is peace of mind and heart" regardless of the outcome. It's something "the world cannot give." Now, that doesn't sound near as soothing as having every circumstance turn out the way we yearn for, but woven deep in this promise is a loving spirit of gratefulness. Within all tragedies and heartaches, springs of gratitude emerge that generate this gift of peace of mind and heart. The community of the young boy fighting for his life have come together in unity to pray and support the entire family in a multitude of ways; the woman fighting breast cancer has found support in friends and a new church family; many people will live due to the sacrifice of the organs of this young father; the couple facing infertility has made friends with another couple that personally know their struggle who have a deep faith and understanding that God's answers aren't always what we expect; and the family that lost their son are finding ways to reach out to others to bring a social awareness of suicide so that maybe another son or daughter might be saved.

Whether we win or lose the battle, faith will provide an overwhelming response of gifts to the mind and heart. We only need to trust God and leave our minds and hearts open to Him. He will fill us with gratitude even when our hearts are broken. I have no doubt that we will all cry tears of disappointment and sorrow in our lives; it's inevitable. If within the tears we can see God at work in the people that touch our lives, isn't the promise truly fulfilled? Doesn't God provide what we need to survive all circumstances? Isn't God with those that survive as well as those that did not? 

Let us pray . . . 

Heavenly Father,

Help us to face the disappointments and heartaches in this earthly journey. Thank you for bringing others into our lives to help bring comfort and peace of mind and heart when we feel like we can't go on. May your Holy Spirit remind us that we are never alone. And whether we win or lose the battle, we trust that you are always with us.

Amen.

Fruits of the Spirit; All-In-One Package?

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. There is no law against these things. Galatians 5:22-23 NLT

The Bible verses above from Galatians sound so beautiful when I read about the gifts we have been given. The verses remind me that the Holy Spirit produces all these attributes that make life such an amazing place for me to dwell. However, often others don't read the verses before and the verses after these verses that focus on the sin in our lives. The list goes on and on and on . . . Yes, those sins are mighty enticing. In reality it's much easier said than done to act with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. No wonder there is no law against these things as stated in verse 23; God has given us an ever flowing supply through the Holy Spirit because He has hope that we will choose this kind of fruit to nourish our lives. That's where that darn freewill gets us in trouble; when we are making choices without His guidance.

The last few weeks have been challenging. It started with a mammogram that revealed something lurking behind the scenes, and the journey continues with many unknowns ahead. My daughter and her family became very ill after returning from a trip that kept them all home for over a week. Work had new challenges and difficult days. Other family members are also facing painful realities that I can't fix, even with all the love in the world for them. (I have a tendency to want to "fix" things.) As everything piled on, I noticed that my patience wasn't what it should be in many areas of my life. I wanted answers and resolution now; not tomorrow. Anxiousness was replacing patience. Anxiousness is not one of those fruits that the Holy Spirit has flowing into me. It's a result of not tapping into those fruits.

The interesting thing I have learned through the challenges is that if one fruit becomes a little rotten, it can affect all the fruit. If the patience starts to go, it can affect love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. I think I've learned that these fruits of the Spirit are actually an all-in-one package. You can't pick and choose which ones you want to act upon. They go together like a banana split with all the fixings. It's really not a banana split without the ice cream, banana, and all the toppings. It becomes something different when you take something away. It changes everything. (And please don't forget the whip cream and nuts on top!)

So, I have a new way of thinking after this challenging experience I've been going through and continue to navigate. The fruits of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control should all be treasured. Each needs special care and attention. After all you wouldn't leave your grapes out on the counter with your bananas; would you? If I find one of the fruits from the Holy Spirit is out of balance in my life, I need to do whatever it takes to protect all the fruits. In reality they are an all-in-one package, that the Holy Spirit will supply if only I choose to ask and receive the gift. So, I move forward a little more balanced because I realize the nourishment to handle everything was flowing within me all the time. 

Let us pray,

Holy Spirit,

Thank you for the never ending flow of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control you supply within me. Help me take with gratitude and grace these gifts and use them daily in all areas of my life.

Amen 

Carry "Isaiah 41:13" Everywhere You Go!

For I hold you by your right hand—    I, the Lord your God.And I say to you,    ‘Don’t be afraid. I am here to help you Isaiah 41:13 (NLT)

All through the Bible, God's right hand is woven through scripture. The right hand is always at work, yet it is a place of comfort and peace in the midst of turmoil. Jesus also sits at the right hand of God the Father. The right hand conjures up positive images and feelings. This verse reminds us that God also holds our right hand. 

One of the strengths of this verse is applying it to our daily lives. It's one of those verses that you want to carry around with you wherever you go. Don't leave home without it. The Holy Spirit is at work in your right hand.

Working as a director in a child care environment, I observe a full range of emotions on a daily basis. I can see joy turn into tears in a moment's notice. I can see those tears mutate into a smile just as quickly. As children learn self-regulation they begin to build a resilience to the things that happen that they least expect. One child may work patiently on a block project only to see another friend come along and in one swoop take all that work and turn the masterpiece to rubble. 

The heartbreak pours out of the heart of that three year old that worked so diligently to accomplish their project. Some children become angry and want to fight back, while other children just sit and cry looking at what once was and wonder if they could ever rebuild their masterpiece the way it was originally designed. The teacher then has to make swift decisions as to how to handle both children and their particular emotions. What worked with two other children the day before, may not be what these two children need to get through this crisis today. What lessons need to be taught to each child? Their needs are individual and need specific responses that help children learn that self-regulation is a part of learning about dealing with life's uncertainty.

Maybe those early years of learning to deal with disappointment and joy are truly just the beginning of understanding God's intense love for us throughout our lives. Are we really different than than the 3 and 4 year old children that play together? Sometimes we work so faithfully toward a goal and even when we feel we've reached it, something comes along and takes the joy away. And then there's that sinful part of us. Sometimes we play a role in taking the joy away from others, and we have to work through that painful reality and seek forgiveness. Even if we eat right, exercise, sleep well, and do everything we can to make our lives run smoothly, something like disease, an accident, a financial tragedy, infidelity, etc., can turn our masterpieces into rubble within a moment's notice. 

If we carry Isaiah 41:13 in our pocket everywhere we go, we carry around this unique combination of knowing that God will provide strength, comfort, and guidance in and through all things our lives encounter. He can provide so much more than that preschool teacher in the classroom, because He is all knowing. He created us and knows us better than we know ourselves. He will help us self-regulate to the circumstances that sometimes blow into our lives like a gentle breeze and yet at other times blast like a tornado when we least expect it. We just need to remember that when we turn to Him, He assures us that He is with us and will help us to not be afraid.

So, write down Isaiah 41:13, and put it in a precious spot in your wallet or purse. Or better yet, find a way to write it deep inside your heart. You are never alone and God is holding YOUR right hand. You are being led and comforted through this life. You have specific needs that God will fulfill to help you endure life's circumstances. So rest assured that you are in good hands.

Let us pray . . .

Heavenly Father,

Thank you for taking our right hand and leading us through the joys and storms of this life. May we rest assured and without doubt that your Holy Spirit will bring us comfort and guidance on our journey.

Amen