"God’s law was given so that all people could see how sinful they were. But as people sinned more and more, God’s wonderful grace became more abundant. So just as sin ruled over all people and brought them to death, now God’s wonderful grace rules instead, giving us right standing with God and resulting in eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."~Romans 5:20-21 NLT
Have you ever felt unlovable by a family member? You may have many friends and family that love you, but maybe there is that one family member that you feel just doesn't love you. I have a friend who has tried all her life to be a faithful and loving daughter to a father that demands perfection and only seems to love her for the works she completes rather than an unconditional love. The more she does for her father, the more he demands of her. In his presence she has no freedom to be who she really is because he mocks her faith and belittles most every human being he speaks about. Disagreeing with him at times has caused violent outbursts which sends her into the role of the child with her father the disciplinarian. She so desperately wants to be loved for who she is, but the reality, at least in her mind, is that she is only loved for what she does. She's not perfect, but she tries wholeheartedly to please her father, but it only takes one slip of not agreeing with him and she finds herself in a firestorm of anger, hate, and abuse.
After years of counseling from professionals and support from a loving husband, she continues to try to hang onto a relationship that is one sided. It's not balanced. The counselors have told her to let go, but she can't. I often wonder why when the pain is so deep and the scars so evident it wouldn't be easier for her. She can only be who her father wants her to be when she is in his presence or the cycle of abuse begins again. Grace is not a concept the father has ever understood or cared to grant to her. She can't explain to her loving Christian friends what it's like to not be loved by her own father. She feels alone and as if there is something wrong with her that her own father can't truly love her. She begins to question if she is actually lovable, or what's wrong with her?
So how to handle this heartbreak and pain she endures? When the tears flow, I remind my friend that God's grace is sufficient and truly unconditional. God accepts the fact that we are sinful beings, but as the verse tells us, he "brought those sins to death." He did that on the cross. He knows her heart and feels the pain along with her. He is the only loving Father she may come to know, but He is all she needs. Her faith in God has been the rock that has held her together when at times she knows she couldn't without His help.
If you have someone in your life that doesn't love you for you, that you love dearly, please remember that God knows our hearts. Remind yourself that God's wonderful grace gives us the right to stand with God and spend our eternal life with Him. Do your best to hand the burden over to God, and when you're feeling unlovable, think of the sacrifice on that cross that was for you and for me. Now, that's a Father that loves unconditionally and life with Him is eternal.
Let us pray . . .
Heavenly Father,
Broken hearts can tear us apart on the inside. I pray for those that have come to know the pain of loving a parent that doesn't return love to them. Thank You for a love that is so big and so bold that even we cannot comprehend its blessing in our lives. In the moments when we feel worthless and unlovable, may we find refuge in Your Love for us.
Amen.
