"Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude. It's because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them."~Jodi Picoult
After a few months of struggling to find words to write down, I find myself sitting here at the computer on a mission to overcome the wall that has come between my mind and my fingers that brings meaning to words and give them life.
My first goal was to seek scripture that would inspire my heart to write. Pulling out my Bible, I found myself feeling lonely. It was as if the words I read weren't speaking to me, but rather just words on a page. It was a feeling of disconnect. I was pursuing a need for companionship with our Savior, but I didn't know how to find it.
And there it was as plain as day, arguably the most popular Psalm in the Bible: Psalm 23. It was there that I found exactly what God needed me to read to reconnect. Read the words slowly absorbing every verb.
1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever
As I read this Psalm that I've probably read or heard hundreds of times before that I came to realize that there are times in our lives when we can't seek what we need, but instead we can count on receiving what we need.
What a relief to know that this dry spiritual valley I feel I'm walking through was felt by the Psalmist, and by so many others! God used this moment to tell me that I need not worry. He is in control, and it's okay if I just need to lie down and rest. He will take over when my own human weakness is stronger than my energy to be productive in what I attempt to do.
The quote at the beginning of this blog by Jodi Picoult has much truth to it. Sometimes the disappointments of life, send us into hibernation. We isolate ourselves from others because it's safer. It's risky trying new things, making new friends, moving forward when it's so comfortable in the here and now, and trusting that God is in control and that we are not. After all, risks can lead to big disappointments. Big disappointments can lead us to dry valleys.
I guess it's verse 6, that I find the most interesting. It says, "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life . . . ." All the verses before verse 6 talk about God taking control, but then there it is, "goodness and mercy shall follow me." God renews us, and then His goodness and mercy follow us as he sends us out again. Remarkable when you think about it. The verses don't say, his goodness and mercy will lead me, but rather they will follow me.
I guess there are times when our faith and soul need hospitalized by our Savior. He takes us in and cares for us, but as soon as we are well, he sends us back out into the world with renewed strength. He promises to follow us. Maybe it's okay to need healing along our faith journey on occasion. And when we don't know where to turn, maybe the answer is in Psalm 23. It's there in our brokenness that we find the ability to reconnect. God does it for us. What a gift to know that not only are we led through this life, but we are also followed through this life!
Healing Father,
Thank you for knowing our every need in our lives. You bless us each day by taking on our burdens when we feel weak and lonely. As you heal us, we trust that we go back out trying again trusting that you lead and follow us everywhere we go.
In Jesus Name We Pray,
Amen
